Today I want to take some time to talk about what I feel is THE
most important aspect of teaching. No products, no pins, just my own personal
thoughts and feelings.
Fair Warning- I’m going to get personal. What I’m sharing today is coming straight from
my heart.
Recently, the world of education
suffered a significant loss- Dr. Rita F. Pierson. This is a dedication to her. This is
also my story.
Here we go…
I taught my first year in a school where things were just “peachy”
for me. The majority of my kids were white and upper-middle class. I had tons
of support from parents, the students were well behaved, I only had ONE student
who gave me any major problems, and everything was… like I said, just peachy!
Second year- I moved back home to Houston and to a new district.
I had a new demographic of kids and a vast majority were Hispanic. This proved
to be a challenge. I didn’t speak Spanish, which meant I had to have someone
translate for me sometimes when I needed to speak with parents. It wasn’t exactly
difficult, just a bit more challenging.
Third year- everything came crashing down. I was moved to a new school within the
same district but with, again, a different student demographic. This time the
vast majority of students were African American, and as luck would have it, in
my class the vast majority were boys- boys who had already failed a grade level
once before, boys with major attitudes, boys who weren’t afraid to hit the
wall, throw things, and talk back, boys who couldn’t read, boys who were as
tall if not taller than me, you get the idea.
That year I was faced with many difficult behavior situations
and had student personalities that I didn’t understand and was ill equipped to
handle. I felt like a wall was standing firmly between my students and me. I
didn’t understand them and they didn’t understand me. And honestly, I was
miserable- completely miserable. I felt so unprepared, so helpless, and I would
cry almost every day. I would only listen to the radio on the drive home and
turn it up as loud as I could stand it just to drown out my thoughts. I realized that I was not the good
teacher I thought I was. I would yell, I would argue, I handled situations in
the worst possible way. I had very supportive colleagues, don’t get me wrong, but
no one understood what was really going on and exactly how I felt when I was
behind closed doors with a class that was out of my control. Why did this have
to happen to me? I don’t deserve this kind of mistreatment! Don’t these kids
know how disrespectful and inappropriate their behavior is?
I was drowning.
I went on like this, clawing my way through, day by day by day,
through Christmas.
It was that spring that I was lucky enough to attend a workshop
put on by Aha! Process, a company that was founded by Ruby
Payne (another post on that coming soon). During that workshop, I had the
privilege of hearing Rita Pierson speak. I was at my lowest point emotionally
and was on the verge of a breakdown. The video below is not the exact speech
she gave at the workshop I attended, but the message is the same. I realized I was
missing the most important piece of the teaching process. It was an eye-opening
experience for me.
If you have time
and are in a quiet place, I hope that you will turn up the volume, make the
video full screen, and listen carefully to what she has to say.
After hearing Rita, I realized I was doing everything wrong. I
was not forming relationships with my students. Instead, I was arguing,
defending myself, and in turn escalating situations that could have been easily
resolved. I realized that I was constantly in defense mode, taking students’
behavior personally, and allowing
them to hurt me. And the worst part for me to admit, I barely knew who my
students were. I couldn’t have told you their favorite colors, who their
brothers and sisters were, or if they had pets. It’s embarrassing to admit, but
I was so wrapped up in my own shock over their behavior that I never had taken
the time to truly understand them and where they came from.
It was then that I realized I had to make a major change. I made
the decision to get to know my students, hold my tongue, get a handle on my
emotions, and try harder. I took Rita’s words to heart and apologized to my
students for my behavior and actually sought to understand their feelings
toward me.
I remember one student told me he was upset with me because he
felt like I had treated him unfairly. It broke my heart to hear him say that,
but it broke my heart even more when I realized I actually had treated him unfairly by rushing to an inaccurate assumption. I
knew nothing about my students. I knew nothing about their lives, their daily
struggles, or the hurt and pain they were carrying. I had been completely and
utterly selfish.
The rest of that year was never “peachy,” but I learned a lot
about my students and myself. At the end of the year, I felt a deep sense of
remorse for the amount of time I had wasted. I vowed that I would never make
the same mistakes again.
This past year (my fourth year), I was lucky to stay in the same
building with the same team members. I had an amazing colleague who is a true
master at forming relationships with students. From watching her, applying what
I learned from Rita, and practicing, practicing, practicing, I feel like I had
the best year ever. I had changed from within and it made all the difference in
the world.
Teaching is not easy and students will always present different
types of challenges. As Rita says, “the tough ones show up for a reason- it’s
the connection, it’s the relationships.” It doesn’t matter who your students
are or where they come from, the single most important thing is the
relationship you have with them.
This part of her speech still rings in my ears. She says:
“Every child deserves a champion, an adult who will never give
up on them, who understands the power of connection, and insists that they
become the best that they can possibly be. Is this job tough? You betcha. Oh God,
you betcha. But it is not impossible. We can do this. We are educators. We were
born to make a difference.”
Rita passed away a few weeks ago, but her legacy will live on.
She stands as a guiding light for all teachers, especially those who are
struggling to find their way.
I have grown exponentially from my first year of teaching. I
think it is hugely important that as teachers we share our battle scars. My
battle scars have molded me into the teacher I am today and serve as a constant
reminder to push myself to be better and to hold myself and my students to a
higher standard.
Do you have your own battle scars? Have you been through
situations that have made you the teacher you are today? I hope that you will
share your experiences with others- you never know who out there might be
feeling exactly the way you felt.
Have a great weekend, everybody!
