Shut Your Mouth and Act

I’m finding that being a first-time mom is exactly like being a first-year teacher. Every day I am faced with new experiences, behaviors, and thus opportunities to ‘act’ or ‘react’ as I did my first year in the classroom. My gut reaction is to turn to books (and other moms, of course!) to offer some sound guidance and advice.

I was lucky enough in my first few years of teaching to find an incredible book called Teach Like a Champion which changed my teaching and made me much more effective. Sadly, I have yet to find a Mom Like a Champion book, but there is one book I have found that offers practical advice and has books divided by age.

Jane Nelsen wrote one of the first books I read in college on the topic of classroom management, Positive Discipline in the Classroom. Little did I know, she has a series of parenting books as well! Thank goodness!

Enter: Positive Discipline:The First Three Years

This book is full of anecdotal stories with practical, concrete strategies to help with the many mysteries of toddler behavior. At the heart of the book, the message is to be “kind but firm” when teaching. And in reality- that’s what I’m doing- teaching Connor how to handle the many emotions that come with being a human being. For him, he doesn’t have the words or the maturity to understand the swirl of emotions he feels, which is frustrating for me but even more frustrating for him.

Although she offers many strategies throughout the book, the one that has become my mantra is “shut your mouth and act.” It was actually Rudolf Dreikrus that coined the term, but she references it in her examples all throughout the book.

This little gem of a phrase helps me every single day. I may find myself washing dishes and Connor wanders over the that enticing little blue light on our DVR box wanting so badly to push it. My instinct is to stand at the sink and say, “No, Connor! Don’t touch the button!” Now, with that mantra in my head, I leave the sink, soapy hands and all, and calmly walk across the room, gently grab his hand, and say, “That button is not for Connor” and lead him away to something else. (Distraction, she notes, is the single best way to handle “misbehavior” at this age- more on that in another post… maybe.. lol)

Connor is very persistent and sometimes it may take me saying that phrase and physically moving him away three or fifteen times. But eventually, he realizes that boundary and he moves along to something else. Of course, twenty minutes later he may try to go right back to that button, and thus the routine repeats. When I do this consistently enough, he learns the boundary is there and isn’t going to change and he doesn’t even try… for a few days, LOL!

Anytime I find myself needing to say, “no,” this phrase is in my head. If I’m across the room, I wait until I am right next to him to say or do anything. Of course it doesn’t work 100% of the time, but it has been much more effective than simply saying, “no.”

Just like in my first year of teaching, I am finding that this whole mom thing is a constant learning process, one that comes with a roller coaster of emotions, tears, and a few tantrums… even from me! LOL! But I am comforted by the many wonderful moms I have in my life and for people like Jane Nelsen who have worked to give parents and teachers insight into little people’s minds and offer simple nuggets of advice like this one. 😊